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My 5 year old was exited to watch the movie Finding Dory. The movie is wonderful and my son enjoyed it thoroughly. He was literally standing up for few of the scenes. You can read a lot more about the movie plot on wikipedia

At the end of the movie I asked my Son what was the take away message from the movie. He said “We can find your way back following the shells”. This perspective coming from a 5 year old was a moment to pause, cherish and enjoy it. For me finding the path back and the entire movie, In addition to being entertaining, had some wholesome guidance to swim through life too. One of the key lessons was the Power of being present in the moment opens up life’s infinite wisdom to work through us.

It starts with “I remember something important “.. In Dory’s case her disability of forgetting everything and having no memory of the past in a way sparks the paradoxical thought of duality – Is this a blessing or a curse? A blessing because she is not limited by past belief systems and bane because she might not be able to care for herself as normally one would. Now from some deep corner of her mind she “remembers something important “. This starts off the faint stirrings of desire to find the source of the call. She remembers she has a family and desires to find them. In our evolution of self awareness this remembering is the call from the divine source. It exists and it calls. How do we hear it? It is not necessary to lose our memory and have the same disability that Dory suffers to hear it. Most of us are blessed to have a sharp memory and ability to use the past clues to navigate through life’s ocean. The flip side of this sharp memory is that sometimes we get stuck with the preconceived ideas and conditioning of the past. We limit ourselves and find excuses not to desire and trace our path back to the source. Whether we like it or not we all have to go back to the source we originated from.

How do we take the first step? By creating and simulating the state which Dory is in. Her state is that of complete awareness of the present moment. She is fully alive in the Now. Her every instant/moment is just that “the only moment there is”. For her nothing of the past exists – it is all new/fresh and open ended for life’s inspiration and guidance to work without any baggage of the past. We can be in that moment by suspending our intense attachment to the past thoughts. By being mindful of this state we can hear the faint call of beckoning from the source. This is the first step that starts us on our way to re-discovering what our souls have forgotten

And after the call?- We have to make a Will and get on the quest. The return journey has to begin. There will be times when we will be facing the most difficult obstacles. A t times even our loved ones might stand in our way and we would want to give up and give in to living a life not aligned with our true calling. In Dory’s case Marlin’s words are one of the obstacles she has to surmount and forge ahead.

During the journey – As you overcame the very first hurdles you know deep inside that you will not be stopping along the way come. When you have made up your will and set the source help starts appearing. Most often help starts showing up when you least expect it- Hank appears for Dory and he is with her all through to the very end. The ability to be mindful of the present moment allows us to see from a perspective which is limitless and through time and space. I particularly like the Dr Quantum cartoon of flat lands Dr Quantum – Flatland. When you see from a different perspective the paths that were not visibly before are now clearly visible.

Not withstanding the clarity you get and the help you receive, there will be times when others try to grab you. They want to hold you to themselves for their own comfort and well being. At times you are held on to so as to condition you to match their expectations. – This happens to Dory & Hank in the “touch pool” many hands try to grab Hank and Dory to hold them. During such times we should take the que from Dory- Swim & swim really fast. We too might have to run and run fast to avoid being captured in the trap of limitations created by other peoples thoughts & beliefs

Another lesson – this time from Marlin & Nemo- Along life’s journey some of the early detractors might come back to help us on our journey to find the source. Maybe sometimes we have been the detractors to others when they have been on their path to reach certain goals. When we have an intense desire to help it is important not to think with our limited thoughts. It is vital to ask the pertinent question “what would Dory Do?” Not what I would do, with my present belief systems and conditioning. A complete drop of our preconceived ideas of help and thinking can open the door to be of any value to others. Most often our help can be in the form of Being there for the other person without judgement

Finally – Life’s insights and guidance will continue leading us along the paths towards the source. It is vital to our journey to remember that the source has called us back, call is not the end of it. It has also prepared the way. In Dory’s case her parents have been waiting and preparing for her return. The shells are all laid out from the core extending outwards in all directions. When we get closer we start seeing the way back more vividly and brightly. As we become alert we start seeing shells marking our way back and acting as lighted paths. If we keep following life’s guidance and the markers we will surely arrive at the source. Life’s infinite wisdom, guidance and markers all exist, its just that we have not found them yet. When we arrive the joy of the re-union can only be experienced and not described I suppose.

A few questions that could help:-
1. Are we present, mindful & still enough Now to hear the call of what life’s purpose for us is? “Do we remember something important?
2. Do we have the Will to really listen to the call and go after it?
3. Can we let go of our past conditioning and pre-conceived ideas of how things should work and embrace change and uncertainty?
4. Do we have what it takes to tackle difficulties and obstacles – Are we prepared enough to trust in life’s infinite wisdom and guidance that it will help us in our return. Can we swim and swim fast?

Movie Plot @ ( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Finding_Dory
Dr Quantum Video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BWyTxCsIXE4

We all use negotiation constantly in our communications. Starting as children we quickly learn that if we promise to be good we gain some advantage or positive result. That understanding is often quickly transferred to our other relationships, where we learn the value of trading. We give something the other person wants in return for some benefit to ourselves.

Children quickly learn to be quiet in return for sweets. That is the fundamental tenet behind every negotiation, a win/win situation for all concerned. The fact that the child may manipulate the situation when they want more sweets may have to dealt with by using penalty clauses and riders as time goes on. The negotiator too has to learn how to trade.

As an adult the art of skillful negotiation is in learning to trade something that we are not too concerned about losing. The skill is in treating it as if it is really important, as if it really matters to us. We create in the other person a sense that are we are making a huge contribution to the negotiation process by allowing a particular concession to be made.

When the other person feels that they are gaining an advantage they are more likely to relax their guard and become more flexible. When they feel that they are gaining ground they will often decide that it is reasonable to make some concessions to the negotiations. They are more likely to feel the need to reciprocate, as a gesture of good faith on their part.

A good negotiator treats the other person with respect. Good manners are a large part of being good at the job. A person who is calm, poised and polite will appear to be in control, measured and clear as to what they are doing. They will instill in the other person a sense of confidence.

Meeting someone halfway is a good negotiation technique. In daily life, we will all have had times when we have been in a group or with a friend and have had to decide where to go for a social evening. Negotiation can be required in these situations. We may decide to take it in turns as to where to go, or decide to go somewhere completely different as an alternative option. The skill is in being respectful and flexible, is in appreciating that each point of view has its own validity and importance.

In acrimonious couples counselling I sometimes say to my clients ‘you may win the argument, but lose the relationship’. Being pedantic and inflexible may ensure that you get what you want as an outcome in the short term, but in the longer term it may be a massive price to pay. Appreciating that each person has reasons for their opinions, feels justified in holding the view that they have, can bring some sense of perspective to the counselling process.

Effective communications are about trying to clearly understand what each person is saying, what they are hoping to achieve and how the different sides of the discussion can find resolution and compromise. Negotiation is a valuable process to apply. By trading, giving ground and feeling to gain some positive results or compromise each side can feel that they are successfully making headway and achieving a better relationship into the bargain.