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It’s happening again; tension in your shoulders squeezing you, stomach clenching, and that familiar vice grip of pressure in your head. Here comes the stress and overwhelm, visiting you with the same familiar list of stressful thoughts.

Great teachers like Buddha, or in our day Eckhart Tolle, offer present moment awareness as a way to reduce stress, release anger and improve health. We’ve all heard how wonderfully healing it is to be in present moment awareness with its seemingly illusive calm, so how do we get there?

Our mind unceasingly interprets the never-ending flow of information pouring into our brain. Every day, we experience upwards of 10,000 of these interpretations as thoughts, many of them running like a newsreel ticker, repeating the same stressful stories.

To fully experience the present moment we must find a way hush those thoughts, even for just a minute.

A quick, easy way to release the grip of stressful thoughts is with a gratitude practice. Gratitude instantly shifts the focus out of our head full of thoughts, and gets us back into the present moment.

Most of us weren’t taught a gratitude habit, instead we’re encouraged to consume a daily diet of bad news; things going wrong, diseases we could develop, and dangerous conflicts. We’re conditioned to stress by an unrelenting flow of information telling us to worry.

The primitive part of our brain that insured our survival kept us focused on danger; ignoring a rustle in the grass could result in becoming another predator’s next meal! Today, that part of our brain still functions, but instead of the tiger in the grass, we react to the stories stalking us; the tanking economy, the deteriorating environment, or the personal conflict we keep replaying in our mind. When we can’t turn it off, that fear brain overwhelms us with chronic stress.

The good news is that fear and gratitude can not occur together! It’s impossible for the mind to think stressful, fearful thoughts and be grateful at the same time! Gratitude quiets the fear brain and snaps us back into the peace of the present moment.

Gratitude Formula

First, find one thing that fills you with thankfulness. It can be the smallest of things; your brain will respond positively without caring about the size or value of your choice. Dwell for a few moments on why you are grateful for this thing, then let the why settle to the background of your gratefulness, like the blue sky on a softly clouded summer’s day.

Now, make a statement of gratitude: I am grateful for ____________.

For a few minutes repeat your gratefulness statement to yourself. Remember there is a subtle difference between thinking about gratitude and practicing gratitude. Let yourself feel grateful.

You can change your wording, such as; I am so thankful for______, or thank you so much for______, but stay with a simple phrase.You can thank yourself, your higher power, God, Gods or Goddess, it doesn’t matter as long as you feel grateful.

Are you so stressed you can’t come up with something? If you are reading this you are probably in the top percentage of the world population that has clean running water, food, and a bed. Are you able to take a breath? Focus on being thankful for your breath, softly repeating the word yes on your in-breath, and thank you on your out-breath.

After practicing your gratitude statement for a few minutes, notice how you feel. Are you more relaxed and calm? Did your muscles relax, even slightly, and your mind slow down? When practicing gratitude, your brain floods with specific neurotransmitters, the good stuff that creates pleasant feelings and counteracts stress!

When you feel stressful thoughts taking you out of the present moment, use this gratitude practice to bring yourself back. Keep a gratitude journal. Practice gratitude statements every day. Besides bringing you back to the present moment, reducing stress and increasing positive brain chemicals, you may find there is an abundance of things to be grateful for in your life, coloring your world with joy and peace!

In nearly every aspect of our lives, we find a need to effectively utilize negotiating skills in order to perform to our potential. Negotiations is a useful and needed skill in our personal lives, in our business activities, and in nearly every one of our day to day activities. There are seven basic keys to become a competent and effective negotiator, which include: 1. Doing our homework; 2. Effective listening; 3. Clearly communicate what’s needed; 4. Be as specific as possible; 5. Include as much as possible in the contract/ agreement; 6. Build in contingency clauses; and 7. Exhibiting absolute integrity.

1. Homework refers to understanding the needs and positions, not only from your perspective, but from your adversary’s perspective, as well. This process creates an understanding of what can and cannot be asked for, and why. It requires both a willingness as well as the ability to do the work and put in the effort that is required in advance.

2. Unless someone is willing to effectively listen, rather than simply speak at someone, he cannot effectively negotiate. When we negotiate, the goal must be achieving a deal that creates a win- win scenario, because all long lasting deals come to fruition only when both sides are satisfied with the results. Negotiating is never about trying to defeat an opponent!

3. Next, there is a need to clearly articulate and communicate what is needed, and why, so that there are no surprises, misconceptions, or inaccuracies. How can anyone possibly negotiate properly if both sides are not on the same side? This must include a thorough understanding of priorities, etc.

4. Effective negotiations require specificity. There is no use or purpose being vague during this process, because unless it is clear what you want to happen and need, you can never come to a meeting of the minds. When both sides understand each other, they can much better work together to come to a mutual,y acceptable agreement.

5. The result of the negotiations must be coming up with a contract agreement that is as inclusive as possible, including as much specificity and detail as possible. There is always the best chance of a fair deal before a contract is signed because both sides are then on equal footing, while after the contract is signed, one side might have an upper hand.

6. The basic rule of any deal made is that at some point, things happen. We can never foresee all possibilities, but it is wise to include as many contingency clauses as can be foreseen, in that initial and binding agreement. Professional negotiators always have back up plans!

7. When all is said and done, the main quality remains a commitment to the principles and ideals of absolute integrity. Without integrity, negotiations will invariably fail in the long run.

Successful negotiations must be based on mutual respect and understanding. When this is the approach, there is always significantly more cooperation between the parties, and thus a better end result. These principles and keys are needed, whether the negotiations are event related, labor contracts, business dealings, or intra- family arrangements, etc.

When people negotiate, they want to experience autonomy. In essence, they want to feel like they’re in control throughout the negotiation. As such, they don’t want to be brow beaten or set upon, when they offer suggestions and potential solutions during the negotiation process.

You can allow your negotiation partner to experience autonomy by acquiescing to her demands, agreeing to the direction in which she moves the negotiation and by giving her the level of control she seeks throughout the negotiation. The question you’re probably asking yourself is, if I allow my negotiation partner to experience control to that degree, why should I bother to negotiate? Won’t I put myself at a great disadvantage by doing so? To which I reply yes and no.

Yes, you may give the appearance of being a weak negotiator and depending upon the person you’re negotiating with, he or she may try to exploit their perceived advantage. If that occurs, you will gain additional insight into the mental makeup of the person and what they might do if you give them too much control. In essence, its a balancing act. The thought that comes to mind is, you can give them enough rope to hang themselves, but not so much that they hang you.

While putting yourself at a perceived disadvantage you do so for the time it takes to make the person you’re negotiating with feel comfortable, or guilty enough to give back to you that which you seek from the negotiation. You accomplish your goals by making those goals your partners goals.

You allow your negotiation partner to experience autonomy and still reach your goals by planning the direction you’d like the negotiation to go in during your planning stage. In the planning stage, you need to assess where there might be overlay between the goals you share with your negotiation partner and create a path that the negotiations can travel to take advantage of that overlay.

Remember, control is perceptional. To the degree that someone feels they are in control, in any situation, in their mind, they are in control. Thus, it behooves you to convey the submissiveness they seek from you in order to project the feeling they need to experience in order to feel empowered. If they feel empowered to set the pace of the negotiation and thus set the negotiations direction, they will also have the degree of control they need to help you reach the goal of the negotiation.

You may have to walk a fine line when allowing your negotiation partner to think he’s in control of the negotiation. As long as that person stays on the path that you set, you will be okay and everything will be right with the world.

The negotiation lessons are…

• Always understand and apply the importance of autonomy during a negotiation. To the degree that you can allow your negotiation partner to experience autonomy, she’s more apt to stay engaged throughout the negotiation.
• During the negotiation, seek opportunities to bond or break the bonding process based on the degree of autonomy you allow someone to perceive they have. In this way, you can use the experience of autonomy as a tactic or strategy.
• Remember that control and thus autonomy is a matter of perception. To the degree that you allow others to experience autonomy, they will be more likely to grant you what you desire.