Imagine a royal court. You have the king, the dukes, the prince, the peasants and everyone in-between. Each of us has the equivalent to a royal court that resides in our heads. We populate the roles of the court with people we know and ourselves. Depending on our role and depending on the role of whomever it is we are interacting with, we act differently. Daily interactions always go through this thought process. If you’ve given yourself the role of peasant, you will always be expecting people to put you down. If, however, you’ve given yourself the role of a king, you don’t expect to ever be put down. The way one views oneself has been influenced by a myriad of factors, but most importantly by the people one surrounds oneself by. The trick to the whole game of life is figuring out which role you’ve given yourself and deciding if that’s the role you want to have. You can choose any role you want, but whatever role you choose becomes your reality.
When someone treats you in a way that isn’t congruent with your self-assigned role, your ego get’s shaken. You can physically feel the effects when that happens. That’s called “fight or flight.” I’m sure you’ve heard of it. I just find it amazing that the body reacts as if it is in physical danger when the ego is rattled.
The word “ego” has to be the most misused word in the English language. It’s been associated with “megalomania,” “vanity,” and a bunch of other negative concepts. According to Freud, it actually just represents the conscious, instead of the unconscious, mind. If a challenge to the conscious mind causes a physical reaction, it stands to reason that you can control the physical world through your conscious thoughts. I could take it a step further and posit that you must change your thoughts before you can change your physical reality. If we consider this as truth, then we aren’t reacting to our environments, we are creating them!
Once, I walked into a friend’s house that needed to be cleaned badly. His name is Charlie. I wouldn’t say he was up to hoarder status, but he definitely needed a hand. I realized that I could help change the situation in that house; and, without sounding condescending; I offered to hire Charlie a maid service. The thought of a maid service coming in to help clean up bothered Charlie to the point of physical agitation. Why would somebody with a dirty house be so against a paid maid service? I would have loved such a luxury.
The answer to that riddle lies in the internal role my friend has given himself… not exactly king. My offer to have a paid service come and clean things challenged his role, thereby challenging his ego, and causing him physical discomfort. Having a maid come in and clean would mean that the role he had given himself was false… that he wasn’t privileged enough to have a service like that. These are the types of life changing thought processes that need to be considered when attempting to unlock your inner swag. Have you given yourself the wrong role? Are you a peasant or are you upwardly mobile? If you’ve given yourself the wrong role, you need to change it and now.
If Charlie had already made the conscious decision to change the way he views himself in relation to his environment, he wouldn’t have resisted the notion of having a paid maid service come in and clean. He would have already been agitated at the sight of such a dirty house and would have been waiting for the opportunity to gather enough resources to get it fixed up. If he had done the internal work before the chance presented itself, he would have been able to benefit from it. If he previously visualized a clean house, it would have actualized at that moment. Daydreaming is, therefore, productive. Dream your reality into existence.
Some people just aren’t ready to view the world in a different way than they always have and they miss out on life because of it. Charlie could have challenged his own ego and upgraded his environment; but instead chose the lazy route and stayed in his comfort zone. It’s much better to step outside of the comfort zone, even if it means asking for help or thinking of oneself in a different light. To do it any other way is to cheat oneself. Do not wait around to be swallowed up by an environment you’ve created. That’s never a good look.
Ask yourself, “What role have I given myself?” You are not your role. You never were. You never will be. Your role is just a hat you wear, that’s all. Becoming the best person you can possibly be involves assessing your perspective. You can’t become the person you want to be if you don’t start with a basic understanding of who you are. Just like a general going to war against an enemy, you must assess the obstacles that stand in the way of you unlocking your personal potential. The first of those obstacles is your ego.
Everyone has doubts and insecurities about themselves… some are natural, but most are shaped by those around us. The art of finding yourself in all of that involves, oddly enough, finding yourself in those around you. People project their own insecurities onto you. You absorb those interactions and then they become a part of your personality. You really are the sum of the people around you. They help shape the way you view yourself and the way you view the world. You are the flesh and blood representation of all the thoughts, emotions, and views you have absorbed from those around you.
It’s important to be conscious about which notions you allow yourself to absorb and which you allow to “pass.” Once you allow a certain belief to enter your mind and become a fixture, you will begin to mirror that belief and your entire reality will bend in order to make room for it. Renovating your house of cards is just as time-consuming and uncomfortable as renovating your physical house. It hurts, but that’s the only way to truly grow.